So which metal are you?

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So which metal are you?

Postby Gutterflower » Wed Jun 14, 2006 4:41 pm

stolen from a friend's blog :)

So here's the idea... fairytales based on genres of metal starring the metalheads who follow said genres:

* POWER METAL
The protagonist arrives riding a white unicorn, escapes from the
dragon, saves the princess and makes love to her in an enchanted forest.

* THRASH METAL
The protagonist arrives, fights the dragon, saves the princess and f**ks her.

* HEAVY METAL
The protagonist arrives on a harley, kills the dragon, drinks a few beers and f**ks the princess.

* FOLK METAL
The protagonist arrives with some friends playing accordions, violins, flutes and many more weird instruments, the dragon falls asleep (because of all the dancing). Then all leave........ without the princess.

* VIKING METAL
The protagonist arrives in a ship, kills the dragon with his mighty axe, skins the dragon and eats it, rapes the princess to death, steals her belongings and burns the castle before leaving.

* DEATH METAL
The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon, f**ks the princess and kills her, then leaves.

* BLACK METAL
The protagonist arrives at midnight, kills the dragon and impales it in front of the castle. Then he sodomizes the princess, drinks her blood in a ritual before killing her. Then he impales the princess next to the dragon.

* GORE METAL
The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon and spreads his guts in front of the castle, f**ks the princess and kills her. Then he f**ks the dead body again, slashes her belly and eats her guts. Then he f**ks the carcass for the third time, burns the corpse and f**ks it for the last time.

* DOOM METAL
The protagonist arrives, sees the size of the dragon and thinks he could never beat him, then he gets depressed and commits suicide. The dragon eats his body and the princess as dessert. That's the end of the sad story.

* PROGRESSIVE METAL
The protagonist arrives with a guitar and plays a solo of 26 minutes. The dragon kills himself out of boredom. The protagonist arrives to the princess' bedroom, plays another solo with all the techniques and tunes he learned in the last year of the conservatory. The princess escapes looking for the 'HEAVY METAL' protagonist.

* GLAM METAL
The protagonist arrives, the dragon laughs at the guy's appearance and lets him enter. He steals the princess' make up and tries to paint the castle in a beautiful pink colour.

* NU METAL
The protagonist arrives in a run down Honda Civic and attempts to fight the dragon but he burns to death when his moronic baggy clothes catch fire.

* INDUSTRIAL METAL
The protagonist arrives wearing greasy overcoat, makes an obscene gestures towards dragon, and gets escorted out of fairy tale land by security guards.
Image

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Re: So which metal are you?

Postby mr_scary » Wed Jun 14, 2006 8:58 pm

Maybe I should put that on my blog. That's brilliant

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Re: So which metal are you?

Postby mrmetal » Wed Jun 14, 2006 9:39 pm

Damn! That is old, but still funny. There is just one for me. METAL!

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Re: So which metal are you?

Postby Rock » Wed Jun 14, 2006 11:03 pm

* HEAVY METAL
The protagonist arrives on a harley, kills the dragon, drinks a few beers and f**ks the princess.

That would be me, without a doubt. :)

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Re: So which metal are you?

Postby harddriver » Wed Jun 14, 2006 11:35 pm

* GLAM METAL would be me i guess ( Not a Poison Fan i swear :roll: ) but i like to drink beer and have sex with chicks also so i would definately hang out with that HEAVY METAL protaganist guy.

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Re: So which metal are you?

Postby Moose6 » Thu Jun 15, 2006 4:53 am

Now THAT was funny!

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Re: So which metal are you?

Postby PoetsandMadmen » Thu Jun 15, 2006 7:55 am

Power Metal is definitely my style!

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Re: So which metal are you?

Postby Fakeblue » Fri Jun 16, 2006 10:47 pm

I'd like to domesticate the dragon, get on his back with the princess, fly to a nice cave and live a happy romantic life, kissing the princess while watching the sunset and hearing the dragon purr.

What kind of metalist am I ?

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Re: So which metal are you?

Postby PoetsandMadmen » Mon Jun 19, 2006 7:07 am

Fakeblue wrote:I'd like to domesticate the dragon, get on his back with the princess, fly to a nice cave and live a happy romantic life, kissing the princess while watching the sunset and hearing the dragon purr.

What kind of metalist am I ?


A PETA metal head maybe? You know, the animal rights group that protests the different events all of the time. :lol:

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Re: So which metal are you?

Postby mrmetal » Mon Jun 19, 2006 7:51 am

Fakeblue wrote:I'd like to domesticate the dragon, get on his back with the princess, fly to a nice cave and live a happy romantic life, kissing the princess while watching the sunset and hearing the dragon purr.

What kind of metalist am I ?


That doesn't sound very metal at all blue :wink:

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Re: So which metal are you?

Postby Fakeblue » Thu Jun 22, 2006 5:18 am

mrmetal wrote:
Fakeblue wrote:I'd like to domesticate the dragon, get on his back with the princess, fly to a nice cave and live a happy romantic life, kissing the princess while watching the sunset and hearing the dragon purr.

What kind of metalist am I ?


That doesn't sound very metal at all blue :wink:

Lol I am romantic softy metal guy.

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Re: So which metal are you?

Postby Fakeblue » Thu Jun 22, 2006 5:19 am

PoetsandMadmen wrote:
Fakeblue wrote:I'd like to domesticate the dragon, get on his back with the princess, fly to a nice cave and live a happy romantic life, kissing the princess while watching the sunset and hearing the dragon purr.

What kind of metalist am I ?


A PETA metal head maybe? You know, the animal rights group that protests the different events all of the time. :lol:

lol

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Re: So which metal are you?

Postby skezza » Sat Jun 24, 2006 3:28 pm

Umm,
that doesnt describe me at all :(

Id firstly take a 12 bore shotgun blow the brains out of the dragon (steal the coat, always black market money there). I would f**k the princess then return home having awoken on a park bench after a good night out and a few too many supers and shots.

Ummm, im not sure how thats meant to sound hehe :D

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Re: So which metal are you?

Postby MetalHead » Sun Jul 23, 2006 12:25 pm

i'm black, thrash, death, heavy, glam ...

damn, I think I'm all those :P
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Re: So which metal are you?

Postby hashima » Sun Jul 23, 2006 1:56 pm

... me definitely J-Metal

=> ...the protagonist arrives with a camera, kills Gozilla, drinks a few sake and makes love to the saved schoolgirl.

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